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Monday, May 20, 2024

Mystery Monday 221: Murder at the Conference 118

We start right were we left off last week:

I closed my eyes, unable to read. The plane was so quiet with only Seiji's music in my ears, I fell asleep before we even took off. I was awoken by the acceleration and felt back asleep directly. I didn't wake again until we reached the airport in Lanzhou.

It was dark outside when we walked out of the plane, and a bit cold. Someone holding a sign with the name of the conference was waiting for us. He counted the four of us with a sighed and walked us out of the airport to a row of taxis. They didn't have proper taxi signs on them but I could see the counter for passengers through one of the open doors. There wasn't much else to see around the airport except for a large parking lot. It was pretty deserted. Our plane might have been one of the last to land. We were directed to a large cab and an old woman was already sitting inside.

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Monday, May 13, 2024

Mystery Monday 220: Murder at the Conference 117

We start right were we left off last week:

There was no easy way to deal with it. I felt guilty for pushing her away, it was a bit selfish but I couldn't go on like this. It was a strange situation. I had never really dealt with this kind of choice before where I needed to place my well-being in front of someone's else. It felt wrong, quite the opposite of what I had been taught to do. But at the same time it was a bit like breaking up with Toshio. When I had told him pretty much what I had told Christa. That he wasn't good for me and that I wasn't happy with our relationship. I could avoid Toshio on a daily basis even if he sneaked around to be with Christa but I couldn't avoid Christa. We shared the same office. Even if I avoided talking to her as much as possible, there would always be things we had to do together for work.

I hadn't decided yet if I wanted her out of my life or not. It was difficult to deal with people like that. She was taking away all my energy and at the same time, I came coming back to her. I should have allowed her to treat me like that in the first place. She didn't change much, I couldn't really blame her for what happened. I had changed. I was taking action for myself, to stop people like Toshio to take advantage of my insecurity and if that meant I'll have to hurt Christa's feelings to keep mine safe maybe that was for the best. I never considered myself a nice person, despite what everybody kept on thinking about me, maybe it was time to let my bitch out for a bit.

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Monday, May 6, 2024

Mystery Monday 219: Murder at the Conference 116

We start right were we left off last week:

“I don't know what game you are playing at, but it's clearly not funny.”

“If you think I'm having fun listening to you tearing apart everything in my life one by one and everything that makes me who I am, you are gravely mistaken. I'm tired of it, Christ, so tired of it it makes me physically sick.”

“I'm not responsible for how you feel,” she said angrily.

“No, but I am, and I owe it to myself to protect myself from you.”

“You're just being mean because you are jealous that Toshio realized I'm way better than you as a girlfriend.”

“If that's what you wish to think, suit yourself. But it has nothing to do with me.”

I placed the earphone back and face to the front again. I had an Agatha Christie book to read, the crime of the orient express. Unfortunately it wasn't taking place in China and it was on a train instead of a plane but that was still interesting. I needed all the distraction I possibly could get not to turn around and apologize to Christa. I knew she wasn't good company for me but I had also hurt her feelings. I didn't want to continuously be hurt by whatever she had to say to the point where I couldn't handle myself. I had to work on myself to avoid a panic attack at each triggers but I didn't see how I could do it when everything she said was upsetting me so much.

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Monday, April 29, 2024

Mystery Monday 218: Murder at the Conference 115

We start right were we left off last week:

I looked at her again. It was written all over her face, that she didn't believe anything I said, that she wouldn't listen and that she wouldn't let it go either.

“Christa, it's not only about Seiji, it's about everything you say. You haven't said anything nice in weeks. You can't even say good morning, and that says a lot.”

“I can't believe you are in such denial that you are trying to pin all your problems on me.”

I pulled my bag out from under the seat in front of me. Took out a book and Seiji's ipod. He had made me a special music playlist for the trip, I still hadn't a single clue what it was.

“So that's how it's going to be? Every time a conversation doesn't go your way you are going to turn a deaf ear?”

“Until you accept that your words have negative consequences on my well being, I will have to,” I said.

“You're being ridiculous!”

I put on my earphones and started Seiji's play list so that I didn't have to listen to her anymore. Christa pulled my right earphone out of my ears.

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Monday, April 22, 2024

Mystery Monday 217: Murder at the Conference 114

We start right were we left off last week:

Now he isn't causing them anymore because he is out of my live. Now, I don't have panic attack at home or at night I only have them when I talk to you. When you try to pull me down.”

“You really don't get it,” she said. “You can't expect me to be responsible for your feelings.”

“Just like you can't expect me for how you feel when I said that you are fat?”

“That was just plain mean and you did it on purpose to harm me.”

“Just like everything you say to me, on a daily basis.”

“That's not true.”

I turned in my seat to face the front of the plane refusing to talk to her any longer.

“Christa, panic attack are triggered, that means they need something to set them off flying free. At the moment, it's your never ending negativity toward everything I do and everything I am.”

“Because I don't like my friend dating a murderer?”

“Seiji never killed anyone. If you ever listen to me, you would know that.”

“You can never be sure.”

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Monday, April 15, 2024

Mystery Monday 216: Murder at the Conference 113

We start right were we left off last week:

I took a deep breath, if she knew that little, it was going to be really hard to get it through her.

“I hadn't have any panic attacks in years. They stopped when I left my home town to go to university. I changed my environment and that was the end of them. Then I met your boyfriend.”

“Don't tell me you really believe that he is responsible.”

“One night, we were skypping and he started talking to me about his ex-girlfriend and how pretty she was and how perfect she was and how he took her to the aquarium and how we could replay that date. That's when it happened. I was the replacement of the girl he loved and who cheated on him, my heart skipped a beat, the space closed around me, I couldn't catch my breath. I fell on my side holding my heart until the attack stop by itself. I thought I was having a heart attack. It had never been that bad before. It had never involved that deep pain. The pain latest three days after that. Any mention of his ex, any mention of breaking up like he did every three weeks. It threw me in a real mess, in a really dark place I had hoped never to see again. That's how it all started. He never saw it because most of his attacks on me, most of the triggering part was when he texted me. I would have panic attacks at night and go to the bathroom, waiting for them to pass.

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Monday, April 8, 2024

Mystery Monday 215: Murder at the Conference 112

We start right were we left off last week:

“But I don't need help!”

“You need to change, you can't go on like this.”

My hands started to shake again. I was going to have another panic attack if I didn't get out of here but I was in a plane, stuck with Christa.

“Look at this.”

I placed my hands in front of her, it was trembling and she took it. I hated that sort of contact, it was out of my culture, people in France don't take each other hands like this.

“You're shaking.”

“It's the same thing every time I'm about to have a panic attack, it starts with my hands shaking.”

I took my hands away from her. It wasn't really helping to get her in my personal space.

“So are you going to pretend that it's because of me again?”

“I'm not going to pretend, Christa. It is because of all the bullshit you have been serving me for months. Do you know anything about panic attacks? Have you ever had one?”

“No, I haven't had any but I know enough to say that your life is going wrong and that's why your panicking.”

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Monday, April 1, 2024

Mystery Monday 214: Murder at the Conference 111

We start right were we left off last week:

“The problem is in your eyes. There is a song that goes “Everything you can do, I can do better, I can do everything better than you” and that's the game you are playing at but I have to tell you, you are playing it alone.”

“How my god! I can't believe this. You're the one with the superiority complex, not me. I can't be the superior one, remember, I'm the fat one, fat people can't have high ego because skinny bitches are always pulling us down. And let me tell you how it feels to be around you all day. You're supposed to be super hot except I can see that you are not and that's infuriating. You're supposed to be super good at your work except that if you really were, you wouldn't need to work out so early or so late. You're the one with the greatest boyfriend though you didn't care enough about him but now it's mine and you want him back. You're all fake, you can't be the real you because for you everything is about appearance. It's all about showing that you are better than the people around you.”

“If I'm such an horrible person, then why are you even trying to be around me and talk to me?”

“Because you're my friend and I care and I want to help you.”

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Monday, March 25, 2024

Mystery Monday 213: Murder at the Conference 110

We start right were we left off last week:

“No, you were trying to pull me down. You saw that I was happy at the way I look because I don't often wear dresses at the lab. You stated every thing you thought was wrong with the dress, every thing you could come up with to make me feel bad about buying it and wasting money on something that would decay too fast because you know I don't buy clothes too often. You tried to make me feel self-conscious about the way I looked by calling me improper for my place of work and to finish, you showed up to show me the right way to do it, as if you knew better. All to show me that you were better at picking up clothes and at wearing dresses.”

“Because I am, that's a fact, I was trying to teach you,” Christa said rising and lowering her arms.

“No, you were taking a hit at my self-esteem. It took me a few weeks to wear that dress again. And I noticed that you were the only one rolling your eyes at it. Other girls all over the city wear similar dresses during the summer. It was only your problem. But it's like that for about everything I do or say. It's always a problem you have with it.”

“Because your behavior is a problem,” she said. “Why can't you see it?”

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