Image by Thomas Budach from Pixabay |
We drove in front of my mother's house on the way back. It was strange to see it knowing that I wasn't really welcomed here anymore. So many memories and so much pain. I didn't say anything to Alex, I just let him drove away. I had the brain scan in hand but it was the first time my mother wasn't involved in it. It was a strange feeling, knowing that I could do it on my own, that I didn't need to be monitored. That no matter what would happen there were still people around me even if she wasn't there anymore. I had fired her as a mother. That's what I had said because that was the only thing I thought she would understand. I often asked myself if running away had been the best choice but there was no way to open a real conversation with her. She didn't have her way so it had to be no way.
"What are you thinking about?"
"I need to go to the library," I said.
"It will be close when we reached university, and I think you need some rest and..."
"Alex, nothing has changed. I need to get books on coma, medical books, I need to go to the medical library."
"You mean on the other campus? Are you gonna be ok? What really happened to you?"
"That's what we need to talk about. Mind if I start from the very beginning?"
"It's a two hours drive" Alex said.
"Right!"
He looked only at the road now, not turning to look at me as I stared at his profile. After this drive back, I would know for sure if I could trust him or if he was going to give up on me and thing I was crazy. It was the only way. I asked myself what I would do without Alex, what I would feel with Fin around if Alex was out of my life. I realised that it would just be all like before I came to university, that I would meet other people. If Alex couldn't deal with my secret, there was no way we could have any real friendship or anything more anyway. I took a deep breath to calm down the anxiety and I started my explanation.
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