Welcome to Mystery Monday. This week, we continue with Murder at the Conference.
Let's get back where we left off with chapter 2 last time.
“It makes you miserable to care,” Seiji said.
“Only when the scale goes up,” I answered.
Seiji sighed. He didn't know what it felt like and there was no use explaining it to him really. I had tried and failed too many times. He didn't care about much. At least not about his appearance or anyone's opinion about mostly anything. Which was probably a really healthy and easy way to live but definitely not so great to communicate.
“So did you finish your poster?” He asked.
At least from time to time, he had the decency to change topic before I decided to pull out his eyeballs.
“Yes, I sent it to the printer before coming back and it should be delivered tomorrow morning. You want to see it?” I asked.
“Not really,” he said.
Then looked straight at me. That was his little game. It was sort of cute and annoying at the same time.
“You want to show it to me, don't you?” He said.
According to him, I should just tell him to look instead of politely ask if he wanted too. Because if I asked I was giving him a choice so he could refuse to see anything or read anything, the only thing he never refused was tasting the food, because that was something he really like.
“But you don't want to see it, so that's fine.” I said.
He wasn't going to change, he was always going to try and have me just rush things at him and I wasn't going to change, I was always going to ask if he wanted to see it or not, just the part in me that needed to change was to be ok with any answer. And that was a difficult one. I wanted him to say yes, of course, I wanted him to be interested in what I was interested in. He was right in a way, if I didn't ask, I didn't put myself into harm's way. If I didn't ask but just showed what I needed him to see, I wasn't risking getting a “no, I don't want to see it” for an answer. But it was still hard, not to ask, not to try for that little dose of approval. And I realised that I had been looking for it all my life and my parents also answered “no”, “not now” and I wouldn't ask again, and they would forget and I would feel miserable because I never forgot anything.
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