Let's start right where we left off last week.
That didn't stop him to
question me later when we were around. I guess asking Amy twice if
she was going to be ok didn't really help my lies. Still, I didn't
acknowledge in front of him anything that happened. It was over and I
didn't want to think about it much. The only think I could think
about was that I still hadn't blacked out after the first hour and
that was not normal. I started to imagine my life without the black
out. How it would be, how it would feel and what it would make me. I
looked around at the people in the room while speeding to take notes
before the professor erased the board.
If I didn't black out
anymore, I would be normal, just like everybody else. If I didn't
black out, I wouldn't have anymore information about the parallel
universe, I wouldn't be able to test my theory or maybe even develop
them. I was feeling miserable. I realized how much I loved the black
out. All my life, people around me, like my mother, the doctors and
the nurses had been trying to take the black out away from me without
success as if they were making me some disabled girl who needed with
everything and brain scans. The other kids at school, their parents
and the teacher had been scared of me, for me, pitying me. That's
what the black out were doing to other people but for me, they were
different, they were a part of me from which I had build myself and
my identity. I couldn't do without, I needed a black out.
"I'm sorry I wanted
to control the black out, I'm sorry I wanted to be able to chose
where the black out take me," I started to plead with an entity
I didn't know existed or not. "Just let me black out again and
I'll take everything you have to give me."
"Are you ok?"
Alex asked.
For a second, I wondered
if I had talked out loud before realising I had stopped writing on my
page and was now putting viscosity equations on the table.
"Yeah," I said
before going back to my notes.
I needed to go back to my
room and check my note books about the abscence of black out and how
long at been my longest interval. I couldn't concentrate on
anythings.
"Amy said that she
is going to class with you later," Alex said.
"Yeah, she is coming
with me to the second year quantum mechanic introduction after we go
register her for her extra classes," I said.
"Amy taking extra
classes," Alex said with a laugh in his voice.
"Yep," I
answered not amused at all.
"Amy, my sister,
taking extra classes," Alex said, "are we talking about the
same person? She registered for a light course because we were not
even sure that she could handle that much."
I looked at Alex straight
in the eyes thinking about how much I liked the lieutenant Fin
version of him better. The lieutenant Fin who was probably with
Michelle right now getting the space ship to somewhere I really
wanted to visit. I really wanted to be Michelle at this moment
because Alex right here was being a jerk about his sister, the same
sister who was everything he was telling she was just because nobody
ever told her that she could be someone else, that she could be so
much more if she ust tried.
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