Friday, March 14, 2014

Jayus: Farting in the bathroom

LJ Idol first week! It finally started. Ok, it started long ago but somehow I forget, on purpose, to take care of the introduction. Because I hate introducing myself. It won't take you long to decide Awesome or Get out, anyway.
The topic for the First week is Jayus (I just learned one more English word) “From Indonesian, meaning a joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh.”

I decided to create some characters especially for LJ Idol, we'll see together how they develop.

There was one thing about being Mike's girlfriend that was different from being any other guys girlfriend and that was his family. He had no problem introducing me to them and we spend the first week-end of our relationship at his parents. For me that was weird and awkward. I had already some trouble to adjust to the relationship status after being single for more than a year but I also had to get used to two parents, four brothers, three sisters, five dogs who could put their front feet on my shoulders when standing up on their back legs, and I know that because one of them did upon arrival, three cats which I had seen and I almost expected more but they didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me which I was grateful for, and goldfish. That was for the front of the house. I entered with dog's saliva on my face, which I had tried to wipe with my sleeves but they were both wet and disgusting before I could finished so I waited for a towel. Mike was already laughing at my entrance as if it was the funniest thing in the world and I didn't need to be embarrassed in front of so many strangers.
"They will love you," he had said.

And as they grabbed me one after the other to hug me and kiss me on both checks I was feeling like a long lost family member. It was totally awkward especially that I'm weird about human contact. I would have appreciated to be able to keep my personal space and the dog's saliva on my own face instead of sharing it with everybody.

They had already finished dinner at eleven pm that was to be expected. I was famished but I wouldn't have said anything I was too busy looking around in the living room, the house was big but not what I would have expected. Everything inside was black, the furnitures were black with not a single dust on them. I knew it was almost impossible to have no dust on black furniture because I always wanted black furniture myself but didn't now if I could handle the never ending dusting, at least time-wise but it was apparently possible.

"Can I clean my face?" I asked Mike in a whisper.
I didn't see that everyone already left without a word.
"Sure, come over here."

Mike grabbed me by the hand and led me to the bathroom. There was this thing about Mike, he would always hold my hand, even in the middle of the classes we took together at the university. I had to make sure he was on my right side so that I would be able to take notes. I'm lefty, Mike doesn't take notes. He learns from a textbook he reads during class. I don't know how he does it but his grades are way better than mine.

The bathroom was crowded. Two of Mike's brothers were brushing their teeth.
"That's all right, I can wait," I said.
But Mike pulled me in the bathroom in front of the sink.
"Come on guys, make some space for the lady!"
The two brothers laughed, I'm not even sure what their names are yet. They kinda looked the same to me, I mean they had a strong family resemblance.
"I can wait, Mike, really," I whispered looking at them trying to figure out a way to back up slowly.
"It's fine, they don't care," Mike said.
They were pushing at each other around talking through their tooth-brushes and I couldn't make a word of it. It was making me really nervous but I decided that washing my face was the best way to get me out of here quickly. So I bent toward the sink to get some water and I farted.
I looked up at Mike, he had this smile on his face but pretended not to have noticed, the bathroom seemed suddenly a lot quieter. I decided to continue and bent again slowly and I farted. That was the second time.
"Di ya hear dat?" One of Mike's brother said through his tooth-brushes.
I could feel the heat come to my face, I decided not to answer as if everything was normal.
I took some soap to wash my face and I farted.
That was the third time, I wondered what was wrong with me and I farted. A continuous set of fart coming out of my butt and the three of them started to laugh like mad men, I could see in the mirror that they tooth paste was going out of Mike's brothers mouth on their shin and the more they were laughing the more I was farting.
I urged myself through washing my face, but then I had to turn around and look at them. I took a deep breath and I farted.
Their laugh was contagious and the more I laughed the more I farted.
Finally they decided to get mouth rinse and they walked past me to the sink, letting me escape with Mike, tears in his eyes, out of the bathroom.
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