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Once again she thought that it was due to unhappiness in my past life and she had this piteous look on her face when looking at me, being nicer as soon as I took the brush. But I knew that it was just a habit, that my body was remembering the mixture of colors I used before. For me, daylight was something new after spending I don’t know how long as a night creature. I still didn’t properly fixed my fear of the sun, I still didn’t know how the sunlight was reflecting on things and giving them all those new colors.
But like each steps I took forward in the knowledge of myself, this also raised more questions. Did I always had the ability to walk in day light in which case nobody was aware of it for not trying and taking as a fact that I couldn’t, as a vampire? Or was it another effect of what happened to me, like the fact that they seemed so surprised to hear my heart beat? I started to think about which vampire known characteristics and to check which were remaining in me: strange habits, a tendency to stay in the darkness, a need to study human, to behave like one of them in the middle of them, my eye seeing in the dark, my ability to fight and draw, my fascination for mirrors that wasn’t fading, my wish to read anything I could find, that was it, that was really nothing much that could officially relate me to vampires.
Oh yes, I almost forgot, my reactions to blood. Since I tasted it in Budapest, sometimes for hours, I couldn’t take the thought of it from my mind. At those moments I pretending to feel tired and I was locking myself in my room, waiting for it to pass or biting myself to get a little satisfaction. The feeling of it in my mouth, on my tongue was incredible but it didn’t last. Generally I bite my lips and sucked the blood of it until it run of. But that night, I really terrified her. I told her that I just fall out of the bed during a nightmare and that I cut myself. She said it was all fine but she was still shaking while putting the bandage on my wrist.
The need for blood had become more intense than ever. I had sucked on my lips two times already in the same hour but that wasn’t enough and I had bitten my wrist. I didn’t really know how I found the strength to cut my flesh until I get to the blood but I did and the flow of it in my throat had never felt that good. When she arrived alerted by the noise that I had been making I had to control myself really hard not to jump on her. The smell of my own blood was making me crazy and the smell of hers becoming more attractive as my vampire powers were awakening was difficult to resist. I stopped sucking quickly and trying to hide the wound under the sheet putting blood on it in the process.
She rushed toward me and pressed on it. Having her nearby was hard, she was looking in my eyes and I knew that I was able to control her. I told her to go get a bandage and she did. She normally didn’t leave me after a nightmare even when I asked her but something in me was different and giving me power over her. As she felt I calmed myself down knowing that I needed to be back in control of myself before she came back. She didn’t take much time but that had been enough. She put the bandage around my wrist as I told her my lie. I knew she didn’t believe me but I also knew that she couldn’t find anything to say. I was amazed by the power so few blood was giving me. She stayed only few minutes, just enough time for me to make sure that she was going to go straight to bed and sleep without talking about the incident to the captain. When she left I huddled up in the bed holding my wrist and resisting the envy of biting it again knowing that taking more blood was going to make me wilder and that I didn’t really know what I would be capable of in that state. I felt that it was more than time for me to leave her company.
This week I also have a book review for the first book in "The vampire diaries" series.
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Craving blood crossed with self-harm. This is not a good recipe. --Angelica
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