Sunday, June 16, 2013

Demon and Fairy WeWriWar 6

Hello Warriors and dear readers. 
Thank you so much for all the comments you left on last week-end snippet. Two days ago I submitted the first 2000 words of "Demon and Fairy" for a Free Critique. More info about my submission here. If you want to submit something they are still open for 2 more Fridays, here.

Now let's go to this week snippet, more on Demon and Fairy

In the previous episodes, Seti was in pain and flying to see Kallisto who is the only person who can help him get ride of it. He remembered how he had met her the first time but unfortunately this time it was late at night and she was nowhere to be seen. Seti couldn't spend the night on the Beach and decided to fly home not noticing that another demon entered her house. We followed Seti and discovered his chaotic bedroom before meeting his family for breakfast. They were arguing about Seti's sister's arranged wedding being canceled by the other family and Samira was crying. Their father said that Seti would just have to apologize. Today we'll see what Seti think about the situation.

Here are my 8 sentences

“Why me?” went out of Seti’s mouth before he could even think about it.
He wondered what was wrong again and why it was his fault, he couldn’t stand the twins’ father. 
The twins’ parents were long time friends of his and they had together that more than silly idea to marry their children even before he was born but the twins’ father tried to break the pact repeatedly. Seti supposed it was a money and pride problem: the twins’ parents were rich, really rich and they had forgotten where they were coming from. They wanted to break all relationships with people from their past but they had the pact which still attached them to his family. Seti’s parents were comfortable financially, his family had a nice house always clean and tidy because Seti’s mum didn’t work and they had everything they needed, but for some people, it would never be enough. It was how the difficulties begun. It would have been just fine if Samira was not so crazy about Taram.

I hope you enjoyed today's excerpt and see you next week for more of Seti's adventures. Next week we will (maybe) see how he apologize, demon style, don't miss it.

If you are interested, you can read more about Demon and Fairy here

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  1. Wow, I can't believe how much you got into just 8 sentences. There's loads of information here and the characters are obviously very well-developed with strong backstories. I guess my only concern, as a reader, is that it is quite a lot to take in in just a few lines!

  2. Hi Djedra.
    Thank you for the comment.
    I wouldn't underestimated how much my readers can take, you are really smart people.
    When you read small snippet like this, you need to take into account that there are always pages leading you to this part of the story and pages leading you further.

    An other point is that Samira's problem is a side story in Seti's life and only leads naturally to a key event in the novel which is what it is useful. However, I didn't consider it useful to spend more on the parents' relationship as they are not main characters. I could write another novel just for it. (Maybe later :) )

  3. Interesting excerpt, Linda! I wish you luck with your critique! :)

  4. Poor Seti has one very complicated life! Which is good for the story though...

  5. Interesting premise, working an arranged marriage into this tale. :-) Good eight. :-)

  6. Arranged marriages are complex and it is hard to work out the details. Sometimes it turns out very well, but there is lots before that happens.

  7. Such a different world, but Roth striking resemblance to ours. A lot of great background here, though I would be careful of running so many sentences together, breaking them up with mostly commas. It makes it seem like the narrative is rambling a bit instead of developing an easy pace for the reader to follow. If that makes sense. But just a suggestion. Really great world here.