"What is you could
find a way to stop fainting completely," Amy said.
"I don't want to,"
I answered.
"But why is it so
important," she asked.
"Because it defines
who I am," I said.
I had never really
thought about it that way before but that was true. Blacking out was
who I am. My mother had tried to make me feel that being sick and
disabled was who I am and that I needed to get ride of it or stop my
life for it. But somehow it was the opposite. Yes, I was different
and from an external point of view I couldn't possibly be happy with
that sort of dangerous difference that had me fail to be present for
part of my life which could be important. But from my internal point
of view, it was empowering. It was like living hundreds of lifes, it
was like seeing things nobody else could see, having all those
stories, all those experiences. And I didn't feel like I missed much.
Everything I was missing here was easily caught up. Today I had
missed a few minutes of reading which I'm going to read later anyway
and I had missed cooking with Amy. In exchanged I had pissed of
Tucker by locking him up and I had figured out a lot of things about
the sabotage of my spaceship and about Antares and Michelle's father.
Most of the time I had to say that it was definitely a winning
exchange.
"I don't think a
disability should define who you are, you can be so much more than
that," Amy was saying. "You can be everything you want to
be. You were the one who showed me that, that I didn't need to be
what other people planned from me that I can go look for my own
dinosaurs."
"Dinosaurs?"
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