Maybe I should actually start to classified "busy" people into categories, because today I'm going to describe the childish one. And I know that some people will recognize themselves (well at least their behavior) and totally hate me for that. Well I don't really care about those I'm caring about the one who are going to go "oh it really sucks when I do that actually.... let's try to fix it."
So here is the thing. I'm going to show you 2 dialogs. The first one is going to put into action the very irritating "busy" person and the second one is going to put into action the very cool busy person.
Dialog 1 :
Person 1 : "Hey, this really cool movie went out last night" *hand the flier*
Person 2 : *Takes the flier* hum...
Person 1 : I saw the trailer few weeks ago, it seemed very interesting, I really want to go see it tonight. Can you go with me?
Person 2 : No, I'm busy.
Person 1 : Oh, it's Saturday night, what are you doing ?
Person 2 : I said I was busy.
Person 1 : So do you want to come to see it with me maybe later.
Person 2 : I don't know 'cause I'm busy.
So now here is the state of mind of poor person 1 (I even feel sorry for having to put her through this) What does she wants ? Is she interesting in the movie ? Do I need to wait for her to come with me another day when she is not that busy ? Will she get mad at me if I go without her ? Can I go with another friend ? Does she actually want to see it but not now ?
And of course she cannot ask those questions because that will just make the "busy" person mad.
Person 2 : Of course I'm mad for her asking so many questions, she never understands that I'm busy!
Well let me tell you person 2, you are not busy, you are a kid. But more on that later after dialog 2.
Dialog 2 (she is not interested version):
Person 1 : "Hey, this really cool movie went out last night" *hand the flier*
Person 3 : *Takes the flier* hum...
Person 1 : I saw the trailer few weeks ago, it seemed very interesting, I really want to go see it tonight. Can you go with me?
Person 3 : No, I really hate horror movies, they give me nightmares.
Person 1 : Alright, then I'll go with someone else.
Person 3 : Sure, I hope you'll have fun.
So what is the state of mind of person 1, well she knows that she needs to find someone else to go with her, she might be disappointed because she wanted to go with this friend but she can't possibly force her friend to have nightmare.
Dialog 2 (she is interested version):
Person 1 : "Hey, this really cool movie went out last night" *hand the flier*Person 4 : *Takes the flier* hum...
Person 1 : I saw the trailer few weeks ago, it seemed very interesting, I really want to go see it tonight. Can you go with me?
Person 4 : No, I'm busy.
Person 1 : Oh, it's Saturday night, what are you doing ?
Person 4 : I'm having diner with my boyfriend, but I'm free on Tuesday, if you can wait that long I'll go with you, I saw the trailer too, it seems awesome.
So now what is the state of mind of person 1, well they can both take there agendas and write down the plan. And that makes the all difference, the topic is closed and they don't have to think about it again until Tuesday except to look forward to it of course.
The difference between Person 2 and Person 3 and 4, is that while Person 2 is acting like a child, they are acting like adults.
What I mean is, when a child is busy with something, he can't see forward in the future, he is busy now and it seems that he is going to be busy forever, so he cannot make plans and if he is not interested, he cannot say that because he always wonder what the other person is going to think of him for stating a contradictory opinion. Also a child doesn't know if few days later he will still want to see the movie, maybe his friends with go out to play basketball, or there will be a better movie, or he will want an ice-cream. That's way too many choices for his little brain to compute.
An adult has absolutely not problem to know when he will be free, he can make plans and stick with them because he knows that it's very unlikely not to be able to turn around the other opportunities which could show up at the same time. In the same way he doesn't have problem to tell what he likes or not, because he knows that his personal opinion is as valid as his friend's.
Hiding behind "being busy" when you can't actually say what you truly mean is a childish attitude and cowardliness and it doesn't help in any kind of relationship. Nobody will get mad at you for having something else to do, but they might get mad at you and stop hanging out with you when you put them in the crappy state of mind person 1 was after the first dialog.
See I'm not always annoyed with busy people, I'm busy too, just with the poor excuses I guess.
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