Sunday, August 17, 2014

WeWriWar 64 Demon and Fairy

Hello everyone!

Welcome to Week-end Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday.
Here we are, back again for a new Excerpt of Demon and Fairy. This week, I had a little interview at Fire Your Mentor. If you also want yours fill up their form. ;)
And last night! My first review for Harajuku Kiss and it's a 5 star!

In the previous episodes: Seti let the chaos got out of him as the father of his sister's fiance threaten to break the engagement. Wild, he flies to the beach to see the only person near whom he can get rid of the Chaos without pain, the fairy Kallisto in the Human world below his. He can only observe her through a tidal pool. But this time, she is in danger. Trying to rescue her from a snake, Seti lands in the world below. However, as Kallisto tries to touch him, he flies away back to his hidden place on the beach and listen to Kallisto's conversation with her best friend Kelpie who once again proposes to her and is refused. Kallisto needs to choose between Kelpie or going back to the fairy world to marry prince Kordelius. As the night comes, Kallisto goes home and so does Seti and of course his parents are all weird... (Remember Seti used his forbidden power and left without an explanation... ) Then Seti was mysteriously pushed in his room, in the dark and apparently turned blind.

Here are my 8 sentences, the weirdness continues (of course he is Seti). And we start where we left off last weeks.

I need to calm down, I need to calm down,” he repeated to himself out loud. He took several deep breaths and tried to concentrate to remember what had happened.
We are locked again, that’s what happened,” yelled the voice of Chaos hurting his temples.
Again?” Seti asked, not understanding.
Again, again, again, again, again, again…” the Chaos yelled.
Seti placed his hands on his ears and started to massage his temples, but the voice was still in there.
I tried to warn you, but you wouldn’t listen,” it said.
I’m getting crazy, get out of my head,” Seti yelled as loud as he could.

Answer to last week's comments:

I know poor Seti, right? And the fact that he is not completely "alone" doesn't seem to help much.
Thank you for fixing the typo too, I really appreciated.

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  1. This just keeps getting more and more intriguing!

  2. Poor Seti. His day sucks. I hope he survives the voices.


  3. "I need to calm down." I like that he repeats that to himself. It's something I think nearly every reader will be able to relate to.
    And Chaos repeating the word "again" for emphasis really works, I think. Good 8, Linda!

  4. Oh, poor Seti, I want to send Chaos away for him :-(

  5. This is a wonderful and engaging piece that interests me as a reader. A couple of nit picks - because that's what evil editors do:

    Instead of using the tag "yelled," I recommend including an exclamation point. Make the dialogue stand out and the tags disappear.

    I'd delete the word "started" and go for the direct action. Started is a stall word that only serves to slow writing down.

    I love the idea of voices in his head and can feel his anxiety! Well done.

  6. Poor Seti. (I say that a lot here LOL.) Interesting relationship he has with the Chaos. Seems like he can control it pretty well, most of the time though. Interesting snippet!

  7. I am with Seti, I want to understand but the chaos makes my head hurt. Fantastic writing.

  8. Knowing he needs to calm and achieving calm are two different things--especially since the Chaos does not seem to be helping!

  9. Poor thing. No wonder he feels like he's losing his mind. Good job showing his pain and confusion.

  10. Poor Seti, we all have moments like that! Powerful snippet.

  11. Yep. Like you said, he's losing it. Nicely written!