Thursday, December 12, 2013

Learning to say NO!

Last night I got a little bit overwhelmed and posted the following facebook status and I don't regret because it's all absolutely true. Maybe I have issues.

1) No free dolls (they are called amigurumi by the way and they are crochet not knitted but whatever) You want some get to my etsy it's here for that!
2) No reading your first draft cause it's SO GOOOD!!!! even when you have typos in the goddam title.
3) Not editing anything, yes, not even a five lines abstract. I know the first prompt is SO GOOOD!!!! that I know how to do it, which doesn't mean I'll do it for you. The prompt is there for a reason, use it!
4) I'm not giving my books for free, you want a free book that you won't read or won't even say thanks for ask someone else.
5) I'm not checking your damn fortran code for you either. You want to debug just do it yourself. And I'm not reading your equations, you can't derive, not my problem.

I'm so fucking tired of people continuously asking things from me. Linda is so nice she's gonna do it so I don't have to make a little effort.

Because I can do things well doesn't mean that I have to do them for everybody for the sake of friendship!

Also check the last time you did something for me... oh never and why? Because you don't know how to knit and you are too busy with your code to look at mine and you don't write books. Then what?

Yes, I'm a bad friend and guess what, I don't care! You heard me, I don't fucking care. All you are trying to do by saying that is to make me feel guilty for not saying yes at everything you ask from me. Now who is the bad person.
Yes, I'm a selfish bitch and I didn't need to take it that way for you just asking a little thing from me. Well I guess if the thing is so little you don't really need it anyway.

My time is precious, you want some of it, earn it!

I feel so overwhelmed by my own overly high expectation for myself and at time my own to do list. I don't need to have a bunch of people coming around and asking me for stuff, generally extremely time costly stuff for me, but free for them and expecting stuff from me.

I have a tendency to always say yes. If I do it, it's faster, it's better and it makes everyone happy.
Well, everyone but me.
I spent so much time doing stuff for other people just because they asked that I could probably have taken care of most of my delayed stuff by now and this is frightening. I'm tired to go on a guild trip every time the word NO crosses my lips or get out of my finger tips. If I have the skills, it's because it took me a long time to acquire them so why do these people believe that they can just go asking me to do something for them when they are themselves not ready to make the effort? The more I think about it, the more I find it absolutely ridiculous. Why are people expecting others to give them stuff, to give their time when they are just sitting on their asses watching TV? Do restaurant give you food for free? Do hairdresser cut your hair for free? Then why expecting from your friends and family to give you something they work hard for, without even considering giving something in return? 
Love and friendship don't mean that people have to suck up all the energy and all the goodness out of someone else. 
Stop making people feel like they are bad just for saying NO. Don't you yourself want to say no too, sometimes? Actually, the more I think about it the more I realized that the people around me asking things and making a fuss when I occasionally say NO are the one who never ever say yes.

Why is there always a but when someone says NO?
1) But it will only takes you 5 minutes.
2) But I don't know how to do it myself.
3) But if you asked me to do it I would.

One of the best counter attack that was use against me for saying NO was people getting mad:
"Then I won't ask you anything ever again."
In which case, I ended up having to explain that if I said no now, I didn't mean that I wouldn't do anything at all and the longer the person was keeping the attitude, the more I would sink and just ending up feeling depressed and saying yes for the sake of being left alone and the person not even being happy about my effort because I should have said yes directly. 

Then saying no is the best for me and even then I still feel pretty bad, which I shouldn't, but it's like there is no escaping it. And when I feel that way I just listen to the same Korean song again and again and again. And I really wished I could yell/sing it but right now I can't.

This is madness.
So NO, NO, NO and if you're not happy about it, it's not my problem.

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